相爱不需要理由

hais.. another day passes . everything seem like is e same to me .. hais.. every single day i have telling myself . should i rate my mood every single day? ehhs.. for ytd i give myself a 30% bahs.. but todays is like .. i think is only abit higher cause i slept e whole day . 7am to 4pm . forcing myself to sleep or rather wishing not to wake up . hais.. :( every single day passes nothing is going right for me .. i am not myself anymore . feeling more and more down every single day.. things for was like getting more and more slow . specially e time .. wat i am doing now ? i dunnoe . life is so unexpected . hais.. comes so hard with so much feeling and efforts.. and jus one day . she can choose to leave.. hais.. this really hurts .. ya maybe she felt e same too.. but why? how come? acting strong in front of e both of us ? will it makes us feel better or ? everything is like a question mark. ? wat is e real meaning of a question marks? a marks tat marks e end of everything which is hard to explain ? or something to in place for a question back to others? what does life really means? nobody actually know e answer . time and again . i had been breaking down . through e nights and days. for me is like no diff . cause i lost all e faith and trust to walk on . actually when someone is really in need . e one which u always hope to have by ur side mostly will choose to be busy or rather missing ? anyone ? this is wat heaven has always made for ppl like us bahs.. everyone life is like unknown for me .. cause future ? watever will happpen nobody will knows.. maybe e next min u will be gone from this world or maybe e next seconds. who's know? so treasure wat ever u have dun let it go or not one fine day when e things or person is gone u will surely confirmly be regret . cause e real happiness is not a giving or something tat can be forgotten about. in love doesnt need a reason . leaving there is also wont be any reason to get e things back . this words are getting true and true. days after days. ppl rather get something tat will not last den getting something tat really last . jus because ppl think tat e person doesnt hab a future? or ? another question mark again. does money really make someone so diff ? being selfish is not a fault . being silly is a big fault.. times flies . 5 years passes so fast . so fast till i didnt know it has gone . till now . i felt it was so slow actually. the feeling i had during e past one year plus where she is gone . gone and when missing because of ? till recently she is back again.. but den this time is a restart of everything and e ending of everything? hais.. i really cant put down .. ppl thanks for all e support and time u all spent to give me advice and pei me talk . thanks . afterall i can only tell u i am really very sorry . i jus cant let go . i may positive when u see me but afterall things was so messy inside.. so messy till i dun really know wat actually i am doing . cause e feeling of destroying my life is coming nearer and nearer . i lost all my hope my future , or should i say my everything . being drunk everyday was like part of my life . cause maybe when i am not awake maybe e brain will be blank . i know this is being stupid or silly . but wat can i really do . does anyone really go through wat i am going through all this years.. waiting and being hurt once and twice and third and more and more .. waiting was so painful but i have been going through it for almost 5 years. afterall i make it . maybe i will be e only record holder in ur life but maybe there also isnt any hope or things we are going about tat why this is going to let u or should i say e both of us choose to be strong but isnt and let it jus ended in a hurtful method . hope i could get e smile tat i had before during 051008. e day i will nv forget in my whole life where i see e smile in u . a very truthful one tat i really see in ur eyes tat u really was touched . and i did it . but hais.. things is jus e heaven trying to give us a moment of happiness after e dead . that wat ppl say be4 u die u will be very clear with ur mind and talks everything out before u will go . maybe tat it is bahs.. so ppl spent ur happy times and always treasure every min of that . wahs.. todays was only e second and is quite long le.. take care everyone. today mood maybe i can give myself a 40% bahs. hope maybe one day i will get a jus pass or above bahs.. :(