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Todays is another sad day . :(

When for appt , haven go out of e stupid camp yet kana scolded liao.. cause i nv tuck in my shirt den in e end go appt wearing smart 4 .. it was so fcuking sians. left about 8 plus . den slowly take bus and mrt to cmpb for e appt . reach TB at about 9 going 10 liao.. den when and eat breakfast at long john was so fucking sians.. feel like sleeping tat time den stomach start to pain at e same time . was so pekcek . but bobian . already at TB le.. den in e end still got go for e appt . talked for about half and hour den jiu wait for one of my's campmates . he was so slow lohs.. i come out he jus when in . and he talked for almost an hour.. so i left cmpb about 12noon. den stomach was so pain tat i cannot tahan le.. den told him to take cab go back together. on e way on cab was so sleepy tat i fall into a deep sleep .. in e end was so paisay cant wake up till he push my head den i wake up den i rmb tat i was in cab alighting liao.. hais.. so many days nv sleep liao cannot blame me de mahs.. lols.. ehhs.. about 1pm reach camp . was so sians tat i change back to my admin and fall asleep again. den around 4 . my's OC call me to e office to talk to him .. guess what my 8am to 5pm was approve finally. but i left only one month to ORD liao.. is like no point .. but much better den staying inside waiting to be scolded or be treated like a dog lo.. lols.. ehhs.. afterthat jiu go back sleep again.. skipped my lunch at e afternoon actually was planning to eat my dinner den in e end i was so deeply in sleep tat no one can wake me up . till i woke up den i know tat dinner timing pass liao.. so in e end nv eat anything at all.. only my breakfast . doesnt know why this few month dun really feel like eating .. when to bath afterthat den waited for last parade and go nights off with kangxin.. was kinna boring travelling in e usual bus and stand at e usual place . so bored . about 8 reach yishun den when and meet up with han , yang and xiaoming .. slack slack till 9 den when to cc to play ball . but was so fucking angry tat we only can play one match lo.. after e first match we played. we thought at least we can play another game . but in e end also waste time waiting .. jus dun know why now adays feel tat playing bball is so fun but it doesnt look like it .. cause when i am playing i will stop thinking of everything and jus focus on playing but in e end when i didnt play again.. my thoughts start to think of alot of things again . hais.. :( how's do put it down when so many years are spent and in e end e result become more worse and worse.. things i wan doesnt let me guess correctly .. things tat i dun really wan it to happen it happen again .. hais.. life is so low and sux for me .. ! i needed someone to talked to but everytime when i was really in needs nobody is there also.. hais.. YOU finally win le rite? i give up le.. u wanna carry on i also nothing to do le.. by pretending tat i am strong and happy has been like part of my life which is because i doesnt wan to bring up this to make anyone feel sad or wat .. i really feel like giving up my life .. really there isn't any time that i really feel happy about and ppl really rmb me .. but whatever i was going to work hard or steady on always backfired in e end .. things i dun wanna explain anymore even if it is a misunderstanding . cause no use .. wat has been done has been done it can nv be undone . love are mend to be forever ? but why is so many ppl having to suffer so much because of love? wat does love really means to me ? slowly i am losting my hope in anything .. everything was so well planned and ready to go for it after i finish my ns .. but out of e sudden things which i dun really wanted it to happen has happen le.. she has left .. left with wat kind of thinking or reasons.. i also dun know .. she always pushed me aways when i doesnt seen to be a need in a life . i didnt say a things or rather should i say i have nv regret doing all e things for u . today is ur discharge date . finally u are free and u can go for ur dreams . but today for me is also a deadline i gave myself .. knowing tat this things will happen one day .. but i nv once regret it cause i knew tat .. as long being at e side making and seeing u happy is really enough ! but now ? i cant even see ur smile anymore .. i missed everythings so much .. how every weekend is spent together .. den after all e funs and high times we become a so called family of our own . but in e end we all has spit and gone on different ways . sorry to make things become this ways for u all toos.. sorry . how long can i go on liketat this? been having stomach ache often .. maYBE one day i will jus suddenly gone whos knows.. den maybe tat will be e day all my stress and tears will nv happen again.. and everything will be ended bahs.. nv once did i think of giving up .. but i am going to burst soon.. when is it ? i myself also dun know cause i am really very lost !!!!!!!!!! who can help me?????