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DOES DAYS ! ! ! ! !

Todays was christmas day, hais.. guess wat i am really sick today so didnt when out .. actually was hoping for someone to call me or msg me but didnt even get a msg from tat person .. was like so stupid of myself la.. think and think .. why does my life always every single days i need to think and think.. walked past 256 this morning .. wasnt dare to look inside .. hais.. :( why do i suddenly had tat kind of weird and unexplained feeling about myself and e things which is around me .. really getting back my low mood level again.. hais.. stayed at home e whole day .. sleep and watching show after show .. was like very sians but doesnt know why i doesnt have mood after i hear something tat i really dun like . hais.. after around close to midnight , bro called me to 256 again. was actually wishing to see someone but in e end i didnt again.. but in terms i was hearing things i dun like again.. cant u guys jus stop talking about things i dun really like .. kinna sians about it .. i am jus like a joke to everyone around me .. was so damn feeling unwell but i still manage to walk out of my house walked there but only makes myself disappointed . :( ppl out there were having fun ytd bahs.. good for u .. this is e one and only saddness of christmas i am going though at home alone .. merry christmas wat those it really means? haven i have enough of all this . hey gods.. when are u jus stop giving me all those saddness .. was i really so stupid ? or ? silly? i am confused myself.. sometime really makes me feel tat i really had enough of this fuck shity life of mys' but i still make a effort to walk on and carry on .. but wat does it really means? once and again.. ppl distrust me, betray me , hurt me to e deepless darkness of my route . why ? why i cant jus lead a simple life of my's i jus wanna a life which i can be happy everyday and not losing days and days of sleep .. and getting e saddness.. should i call this sickness of my's todays a mirserable and something tat really makes a person lose e heart of being happy ..? hais.. i really dun know wat actually i can do anymore .. sometime i really felt so lost .. lost of everything like e speech or things i am going to do . hais.. why does others always has wat they wanted it .. but my's always turn out to be a stupid and silly ones at e end .. hais.. days and days . i am really trying to walk on strong but is really getting more and more hard for myself .. one after another .. who can i really trust now ? who can i really talk to now ? nv once ppl will treasure me actually .. ppl jus take me for granted izzit? i really dun know .. why should i always helped u all when u all really in needs but when i am really in needs .. where is everyone ? having fun outside? i am greedy ? i dun think so . i didnt once ask for anything for return .. but why ppl always like to return me all those things tat will make me lost and sad at e end .. really feeling like i am giving up soon .. really .. hais.. airport .. was a nice view over there but i dun think i will be able to have a chance to celebrate any christmas with e person i most wanted after all. wat does god really make me in this life for? am i really tat lowdown ? izzit tat i doesnt have any pride in myself? i am really confused.. :( life to me now is really ENOUGH!!

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Didnt catch any sleep today .. :) but i was still very happy wit it cause it was a meaningful day again... hahas.. when back to camp and left my house at 0545 in e morning .. hahas.. boarded e usual 969 bus to tampines . sians .. hahas.. den aftertat when to board 29 at tampines back to camp.. so damn sleepy .. hahas.. but didnt fall asleep at all. was looking around at e beautiful things from e bus .. hahas.. founded out actually they are many things tat is so nice den making myself living in darkness . so silly . hahas.. anyway back to camp.. reaches camp around 730 . hahas. when to canteen to have my breakfast .. hahas.. was so hungry .. :) after eating .. guess wat i am going to do . haas.. i when straight back to bunk to sleeeeep.. hahas.. sleep till around 2 plus den wake up .. was being scolded by alot of ppl . hahas.. cause i when back to camp jus to sleep .. hahas.. but anyway.. ORDING soon whos care ,.. hahas.. den waited for around 4 plus den when to bath and changed .. today was my first day going to work after 2 years of army lifes.. hahas.. back to civilian life .. hahas.. reaches workplace ard around 6 liao.. trying my best not to be late le.. hahas.. but in e end still late .. ehhs.. not i wan de .. one hour how to enough to rush to cityhall.. hahas.. but i tried and i almost make it and wasnt angry with e scolding by lulu.. hahahas.. next time will rmb to call her if i was going to be late . hahas.. but she still helped alot for me and my cousin . hahas.. todays was abit nervous la.. but actually it was so much fun to me .. everyones was so friendly which i didnt really expected it to be.. hahas.. afterall it was still a good exp for me .. as for my cousin .. he was so poor things.. hahas.. but he did learn alot rite? next time know wat to do le rite? hahas.. dun worry nobody will bully u when i arounds to assit u .. hahas.. even though i am going to be working at e bar but i will stil keep an eye at u de wors.. hahas.. :) when home after everything at around 12 plus but have to wait for him so taken e 0130 transport back to yishun .. hahas.. den i change and bath liao .. when to find yi kng .. is was so damn wu liao la.. when there for only 10 to 15 min den in e end i choose to go home again.. hahas.. so now i am at home liao. :) hahas.. sad case is that i am not sleeping again.. hahas.. kinna use to life liketat .. hahas.. anyway tml nights got to sent some stupid home . sians .. sure got alot of funny things will happen on e way de.. hahas.. :) after all thanks for e advise u given me . i am okay now . and i will go for my 100% moods wors.. ehhs.. i am going to watch my show now . so i will stop here .. nights everyones.. take care.. and one words of advise to u all .. only treasure those who treasure u .. :) dun stress up ur life .. jus lead life happily .. :) smile..

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My's Cosy Home! ;p

Does days of giving myself walking in darkness was really so stupid.. hahas.. now i am fine and looking forward of my life.. actually i learn alot and is time tat i work my future for myself and not for someone .. cause afterall is my life no point making out something for someone in e end i will only gets nothing from it rite? thanks alot to e ppl whos has given me so much support .. finally today i am going to tell u my mood level has risen to 80% . hahas.. so happy today .. when though today with so many meaningful things i had done . hahas.. whole day was helping my friend mother noodle store which i know actually simple life is so happy .. even though it looks so simple.. hahas.. but is so meaningful to make someone days from bad to a happy ones .. hahas.. wasnt easy but i did .. hahas.. tried my best to help .. hahas.. was so rusty cause has been 2 years since i last serve anyone . hahas.. or start working on stuff . hahas.. but after a while it was like i got my skill backs in a few more times .. didnt know tat i could help so much .. living life liketat turn out much more meaningful den slacking and making stupid and silly stuff and making a show tat makes ppl upset .. willingly to go all out .. and hopefully one fine day i could jus get wat i wanted in my life ahead.. hahas.. thanks alot to e ppl who created blogs for ppl to voice out things .. is so much and more useful. cause u no need to think whether to say anything to anyone or wat they will feel or think cause this is a place where u jus say out wat u really feel urself .. no need to think so much and felt freely to talk about anything . hahas.. things are bucking up for myself.. so i can once again gives out advise to ppl out there .. no matter wat u are going to face .. jus face it and dun run aways one fine day u will see ur solution which u are looking for in ur life aheads.. so smile ur days den rather spend ur days making urself sad or depress our stuff tat doesnt worth anything tat it is for urself . hahas.. sound logic mahs? if its doesnt tat means u haven reach e stages of life tat u really faces ur own problem yets. hahas. :) sound more positive finally rite? once again .. i have to thanks her also.. thanks for wat she has done ytd.. hahaas.. makes me know tat actually she is not worth anything by making herself looks so cheap. hahas.. ppl whos was there ytd sure know wat i really mean .. hahas.. why not jus open up and gives someone better .. hahas. den u will makes urself looks more cheaper den e market veg.. ahahahas.. nice ones rite? cant imagine i did say this.. haas.. is wat i felt afterall .. so happy really feel like laughing out louds .. hahas... han wat u told me was really rite.. haas.. i am so silly and stupid . but thanks to u .. tat i am able to says i did nothing so cheap to u be4 and i felt tat e one which is so childish is u .. grow up la.. go and take care ur life.. but too bad i think u spoil ur life too much tat no one really bothers much about u den i know tat actually i thought tat i was e one making myself a attentionseekers.. but i was wrong .. she is e attention seekers after all.. the show was really so nice tat no ones really bothers with it .. hahas.. wat i did tat day was really rights .. my brain are getting more and more stuff with all those positive stuff u all gave me sial.. thanks wors.. so u all also must rmb whatever u all needs jus let me know . i will try my best to help and i knw i could . cause i know ppl which worth treasuring will get wat they really wants in their life .. whichever ppl who dun know how to treasure their lifes they will only makes themself looks so cheap and stupid.. or should i says childish and a good actress.. haas.. agree guys?

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After wat i when though ytd was feeling so much better .. thanks alot for ytd show u have done .. thanks .. u make me feel tat u are so cheap to me .. ehs.. i dun really rmb i got know someone like this before.. making ppl all get into so much comfort and happy with wat u jus did ytd .. a big thanks to u.. u are jus making urself worse .. hahas.. sorry ah .. i jus can go by ur show .. hahas.. cause i am a bad actor.. hahas.. but now i am going to wrote out e truth is that i really feel tat she is so cheap . thanks alot.. Anyway fang thanks u alot wors.. hahas.. lucky u didnt go with me in e end or not u can see how cheap she is .. hahas. wooohooo.. i jus feel tat i should long letting it go .. hahas.. feeling so much better after ytd .. in life tat are more better ones ahead of me .. or rather should i get into this things and make myself looks stupid rite? hahas.. thanks guys.. for all e support and advise u all gave me .. thanks.. specially to yonghan, liang, keat, my cousins, weijie , gina, jenny. my sisters , ah girl , ah mei.. and also Oliver , vivian , louis , yikng , jinwen , joleen , jiande , joe , xiaoming, diand , HuiTing, jiayi , jiayin ,mandy , max , kangxin, peifen , Sally, yonghua and yupei.. and finally to .. Silvia FanG , GUWHY , BLUR STRAW, YONGLIANG .. thanks all .. hahas.. if i miss out some let me know ok ? sry for that den .. hahas.. finally wat u all have told me is rights.. hahas.. i should have seen it sooner .. afterall i am going on ahead .. more and more confidence den wat i am getting though with a burden with this cheapless person afterall.. which i dun really rmbing also.. hahas.. whos is tat shity person? jus cant rmb anyone which maybe cheap person like this cant stand a place in my life at all.. hahas.. so happy .. really thanks for all e advise.. !! :)

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What is love about ? awaiting of happiness with someone ? or going though e hardship with e one with u ? or e withstand of tolerance of each other ? days of awaiting is nv easy but wat has been e outcome of things ? days after days .. wat has really become has been gone .. the effort of living on has been gone .. how is life going to be ? pain of suffering on and on . hais.. willing to go on forwards because of things tat makes me returning of life. but wat does it really make a person worth e giving which u doesnt really need in return ? :( how many times does a person has to go though to find his happiness he really needs and wans? does it really become a good outcome or izzit a bad outcome ? nobody will understand this or should i say this is going to be gone for now and forever ? even if i were to try to continues and wait .. my life is all about u before u left .. but now u have left and how my life is going to go on ? hais.. being cant sleep every nights .. nights of suffering is so painful.. i wanna give up .. but i cant .. there so many ppl of treasuring of me toos.. so i have to walk on .. to when i dun know .. things has ended has to be ended .. so just let it be bahs.. times is gone .. i have to walk on alone. ! :(

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Ehhs.. todays nothing much happen .. ytd ate some sleepings pills and when to sleep and sleep till eleven this morning .. hahas.. :) bo bian mahs.. if nv take sure cant sleep de.. hais.. :( how long can i carry on liketat .. hais.. :( i really dun know.. hais.. in front nobody can see anything but inside i felt i am in a mess . real mess .. hais.. wo zhen de dun know how far can i go being liketat .. everyday is like so dark for me .. so messy and so lost mood of doing things lo. hais.. i wan to be happy .. but how to ? hais.. i really lost.. no mood to write no today .. sry .. next time bahs.. :( ..

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Hais.. today got home ard round 12 plus again.. cannot sleep again .. not feeling well liao.. :( ehhs.. hate e feeling of getting sick .. hais.. :( ehhs.. nose wanna drop liao.. zzz.. ehhs.. btw today not much things happen but when back to camp quite early .. first time so early go back .. was so shag and tired cause ytd and today whole night no sleep liao.. zzz.. jus cant sleep lo.. ehhs.. when back to camp ate my breakfast prepare my stuff den when for first parade .. den was so many shity things to be done .. thought can go back and slp but .. hais. :( argh .. i wanna sleep de lo.. :( ehhs.. den when do e shity things for a while really cannot tahan flank back to bunk and sleep .. hahas.. :) eating snake , dreaming all e way till 2 plus den was waken up by them .. den nv eat my lunch again.. hahas.. :) lazy walk to e cookhouse to eat also.. zzz.. ehhs.. in e end when back and slp .. den after a while they woke me up again and told me to go down and help they settle e things .. so helped again for awhile . but this time better den morning one .. hahas.. i helped for almost an hour and when back to bunk and sleep again.. :) hahas was like damn tired lo.. :) den sleep till dinner den was abit hungry so when to eat with them .. e food was not bad anyway .. hahas.. :) finally i am eating food for humans .. :) hees.. tired tired .. den when back to bunk and sleep again.. yawn .. den after around 645 had my last parade .. actually wanna stay in camp to rest de. but kangxin jio me go back yishun so when back with him and aftertat jiu met up with kng and jiande . when for dinner with his friends and family.. was so weird lo.. damn paisay also.. hahas.. in e end i pay for e food and drinks toos.. jus dun like ppl to pay for me .. hahas.. den was like so funny e family keep forcing me to take e money .. but i keep dun wan den .. was like carry on liketat was like no ending liketat .. so aftertat jiu say i half half with their mother.. hahas.. :) finally settle le.. after that when to kng's friends house slack for a while jiu when home to sleep liao.. :) but in e end nv sleep again .. cause i am blogging down .. and hor .. btw .. guys from my battalion.. thursday 10am e battalion will be going down to maj norman WAKE . so if u wanna go give me a call ok? i will let u know e timing again .. jus in case theres is any changes .. so if u are going down den see u guys soon .. takecares everyone . smile and have a great life ahead.. :)

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It been 4 days since i last writed anything .. this few days was thinking and thinking .. after i really has say things out does myself really felt better or anything . ya .. the fact is that i am only lying to myself .. being of e fact at e end is tat i am still in e same old place doing e same old things i still haven really step a step forward yet.. not even forgetting anything yet or putting down anythings. everything is really not easy for me .. but u? how had u been ? i really dun know .. i totally had no news again like wat is like during e one year u when missing from me again .. doesnt even know why last time tat u didnt even wanted to talked to me .. and in e end we quarrel after i found u and contact u again. hais.. but this times things is in a totally diff situation .. this times is really so messy for me .. i dun wan to be like this and i dun wish to go on like this .. everything i do . is so hard to stop thinking of u alright .. maybe wat i should do is like wat we have said to each other . but u really can do it i know .. but for me ? all this 5 years i didnt even give up a little of this hope but to u .. is like so easily things is to u .. hais.. isnt it? why do u wan this misunderstand to go on ? do u feel better .. i know u dun .. and u also will start to think of it .. i know! u say i dun know u i dun understand u .. but i dare to say i have tried my best to know and understand u .. and i did .. but all u say to me is jus simply saying i dun know . but in fact something or should i say most of e things i did know and understand . but u jus dun really wanna take up e fact tat actually i did understand u . cause u and me .. is actually u keep wanting to step backwards rather den take a step forward.. bu shi mahs? hais.. :( 5 years leis.. is not easy to go by u know .. u are jus saying it to jus let it go jus liketat .. like u say we didnt even started who did end come in? ehhs.. i am going to tell u this .. u are totally wrong ok.. yes ..we didnt started but didnt we go through e hardship with u most of e times .. mostly i cant help u .. but all this years no matter wat u do .. and where u are .. i am still be wishing and always being aat ur side when even i could but is like i dun really seem to be noticed how much i am going through to give u all e things i did for u .. but have u even thought of anything at least.. i try to go a few more step farther . and even did plan for my future with u in it .. and i didnt regret anything i did for u .. all e while everything i did for u come in like a thinking .. like u say u also doesnt wan to lost me but now u are making me to lost u.. i dun wan i dun wish to can ! nv nv .. once did i think or have e thoughts of all this in my mind ! nv ! not e past and is also not going to be in e future .. hais.. is not easy to go by .. but i did so wat ever is going to be ahead i dun care .. i believe in faith and e effort someday will turn things into miracle tat are going to be a happiness for an life time ahead!!!!!! :(

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Todays is another sad day . :(

When for appt , haven go out of e stupid camp yet kana scolded liao.. cause i nv tuck in my shirt den in e end go appt wearing smart 4 .. it was so fcuking sians. left about 8 plus . den slowly take bus and mrt to cmpb for e appt . reach TB at about 9 going 10 liao.. den when and eat breakfast at long john was so fucking sians.. feel like sleeping tat time den stomach start to pain at e same time . was so pekcek . but bobian . already at TB le.. den in e end still got go for e appt . talked for about half and hour den jiu wait for one of my's campmates . he was so slow lohs.. i come out he jus when in . and he talked for almost an hour.. so i left cmpb about 12noon. den stomach was so pain tat i cannot tahan le.. den told him to take cab go back together. on e way on cab was so sleepy tat i fall into a deep sleep .. in e end was so paisay cant wake up till he push my head den i wake up den i rmb tat i was in cab alighting liao.. hais.. so many days nv sleep liao cannot blame me de mahs.. lols.. ehhs.. about 1pm reach camp . was so sians tat i change back to my admin and fall asleep again. den around 4 . my's OC call me to e office to talk to him .. guess what my 8am to 5pm was approve finally. but i left only one month to ORD liao.. is like no point .. but much better den staying inside waiting to be scolded or be treated like a dog lo.. lols.. ehhs.. afterthat jiu go back sleep again.. skipped my lunch at e afternoon actually was planning to eat my dinner den in e end i was so deeply in sleep tat no one can wake me up . till i woke up den i know tat dinner timing pass liao.. so in e end nv eat anything at all.. only my breakfast . doesnt know why this few month dun really feel like eating .. when to bath afterthat den waited for last parade and go nights off with kangxin.. was kinna boring travelling in e usual bus and stand at e usual place . so bored . about 8 reach yishun den when and meet up with han , yang and xiaoming .. slack slack till 9 den when to cc to play ball . but was so fucking angry tat we only can play one match lo.. after e first match we played. we thought at least we can play another game . but in e end also waste time waiting .. jus dun know why now adays feel tat playing bball is so fun but it doesnt look like it .. cause when i am playing i will stop thinking of everything and jus focus on playing but in e end when i didnt play again.. my thoughts start to think of alot of things again . hais.. :( how's do put it down when so many years are spent and in e end e result become more worse and worse.. things i wan doesnt let me guess correctly .. things tat i dun really wan it to happen it happen again .. hais.. life is so low and sux for me .. ! i needed someone to talked to but everytime when i was really in needs nobody is there also.. hais.. YOU finally win le rite? i give up le.. u wanna carry on i also nothing to do le.. by pretending tat i am strong and happy has been like part of my life which is because i doesnt wan to bring up this to make anyone feel sad or wat .. i really feel like giving up my life .. really there isn't any time that i really feel happy about and ppl really rmb me .. but whatever i was going to work hard or steady on always backfired in e end .. things i dun wanna explain anymore even if it is a misunderstanding . cause no use .. wat has been done has been done it can nv be undone . love are mend to be forever ? but why is so many ppl having to suffer so much because of love? wat does love really means to me ? slowly i am losting my hope in anything .. everything was so well planned and ready to go for it after i finish my ns .. but out of e sudden things which i dun really wanted it to happen has happen le.. she has left .. left with wat kind of thinking or reasons.. i also dun know .. she always pushed me aways when i doesnt seen to be a need in a life . i didnt say a things or rather should i say i have nv regret doing all e things for u . today is ur discharge date . finally u are free and u can go for ur dreams . but today for me is also a deadline i gave myself .. knowing tat this things will happen one day .. but i nv once regret it cause i knew tat .. as long being at e side making and seeing u happy is really enough ! but now ? i cant even see ur smile anymore .. i missed everythings so much .. how every weekend is spent together .. den after all e funs and high times we become a so called family of our own . but in e end we all has spit and gone on different ways . sorry to make things become this ways for u all toos.. sorry . how long can i go on liketat this? been having stomach ache often .. maYBE one day i will jus suddenly gone whos knows.. den maybe tat will be e day all my stress and tears will nv happen again.. and everything will be ended bahs.. nv once did i think of giving up .. but i am going to burst soon.. when is it ? i myself also dun know cause i am really very lost !!!!!!!!!! who can help me?????

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Is all most a month of this days i am getting though . everything was like e same .. same as wat is it . but spending of e everyday was changed . changed to wat i really dun feel like going by each and every day . everythings was like a story . but isnt story always ended with an happy ending ? but my's was nv. and nv will it be . times and again. by not pretending i am leading an happy life i dun really knows wat is going to be like anymore . ya. maybe i am really not ready to face anything at e moment . but life is so boring and so useless to carry with this kind of fucking life . was it worth after so much things has happen . which i really see everyone true colour one by one .. wat izzit like to be liketat .. nobody will ever knows wat i am going though and nobody will . cause is really jus something tat nobody wants and only me will be e only silly one to go on . maybe letting is like so easy to be said . but for me is not .. and is nv easy .. nv nv .. is so hard tat actually it makes turn into darkness after so many things has happen .. hais.. where is e light be4 i when to taiwan .. everything started off after taiwan . finally it end here .. everything ! so sudden . :( sometime i ask myself .. why did i choose to go .. or should i say ..is it for me to choose where things is not to be choose by myself.. or should i say .. i should has awoled den everyone will be happy.. but is e solution .. is e responsibility i need to put up.. but why should i go .. being at taiwan e 21 days .. was not easy really not easy .. every single day i was thinking and worrying of wat i am thinking of.. which in terms really happen when i am missing from singapore.. which is so painful tat i dun wanna it to be .. if times is going to turn back .. i would like to turn e time back to 051008 .. and stop there ... is really e only day tat i really see e light of my life after all this years.. but in e end .. because of my adsent in singapore for jus 3 weeeks .. it may looks so short but it has happen alot of unexpected things. which i will nv wish to see . but it happen in e end .. why .. hais.. things is not going to be end or ended for me .. hais.. but what can i really do ? den pretending tat i am happy , i am strong .. and keep saying tat is actually nothing . was it really nothing .. or should i says i am jus trying to run aways from all this question of ppl asking .. hais.. :( days and days.. sleeping has also been gone due to my daily of brain storming every moment ..is so hard for me to get to sleep alright .. hais.. :( wat can i do ? whos know that actually i am suffering more every single days on and on .. when will it stop? i really going to burst soon .. but when can i really endure it ? how far and i go ? it been 20 years of taking almost everythings to myself. whos in this world really understand me ? nobody at all actually .. whos really know wat i am really like ? who really know wat actually did i wants? nobody at all .. ppl stop giving me e pressure pls.. i wan to be alone sometime . but i cant . cause i will nv be .. :( days of darkness when will it end? i jus wan a simple life with a happy memory tat i could bring up to says i did it with no regrets or maybe withs all my own hands and own efforts ! :( lifes is so fcukup!

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days and days when by .. things for me is like a routine .. everyday was like all e same doing e same old things again .. siansation . life is going to be liketat for me ? or ? something additional will get in again ? but i dun wanna it to get in again actually cause it really hurts alot .. which make me jus cant forget and always been thinking every single moment when i am free . hais.. it looks so simple which is really tats simple actually but why letting or should i say putting it down was so hard for me .. which is so easily for her? it seem like nothing has actually happen but actually is nothing at all. hais.. wat am i saying .. nobody will understand which i myself also doesnt really understand what is really going on with me and this ! :( hais.. life is really meaningless.. ppl says i am stupid but really ? was my effort really tat means a stupid to u ? hais.. this means all my effort all this years goes to e drain or rather cant even fit to be in e drain.. hais.. all this years .. u didnt feel anything ? jus saying goodbyes ? it sound so simple for u .. it was my fault .. my fault to make u get hurt afterall this years in e end .. ya .. as u say we didnt start how is there a end ? but afterall .. do u really mean tat ? or are u jus trying to make me get e same feeling as u ? or whatever? i am having e worst feeling compare with u .. so there is actually nothing to be compare with .. so wat is really e point . tat days e things i told u . was like seem so simple rite? but is so hurting inside u know .. hais.. i dun wan to be liketat but i have to . if i dun .. i dun think u will really forget this too.. and this wil jus go on and stuck somewhere bahs.. after i say tat to u .. hopefully u are happier and soon u will be out le.. 10122008 . all e best to ur new start of life . take care. hais.. sorry ppl . i jus cant forget or jus put it down .. really very sorry.. thanks for all e advise u all gave me .. i really happy tat actually when i am in need theres is also ppl giving me advise .. which in terms i didnt thought of that too.. thanks alot.. thanks..

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Today was an boring day .. ehhs.. wake up at 12pm sio.. finally catch some sleep after this whole week of thinking and a week of suffering . hahas.. anyway is e sleeping pills tat works .. hahas.. without it maybe i cant even get to sleep . hahas.. :) anyway thanks to e sleeping pills .. booking in later siansation .. zzz.. but nvm .. thursday jiu book out liao.. hahas.. watch show from my computer till around 2 plus den suddenly someone talk to me and was so surprised but afterall in e end still turn into nearly quarreling again .. e words was so usual .. GOODBYE .. hais.. does goodbye really really sound so simple .. wat does a goodbye really means ? was it a only simply goodbye or wat is a goodbye really mean ? hais.. zzz.. after everything or should i say so many things has happen ? will it be ended? i also really dun know .. my life was so messy after tat incident happen . everythings was so mess up .. so tired of everything and sick of this fucking life of my's .. zzz.. sians .. anyway around 4 plus met up with han , keat and yang den met up with kng at 213 to play basketball actually not really in a mood to play but afterall i still have to put everything aside and focus on playing cause i dun really like to have spare time to think .. cause is really stress up when i started to thing when free times is up so carry on playing and sweat all e way .. hais.. thanks them for peiing me always when i needed .. specially tat fucker han .. hahas.. :) thanks .. ehhs.. aftertat when to cc to play e most suay part was keat mouth .. started to say see .. wanna rain liao.. go cc sure rain de lo.. in e end when to cc play half way really rain liao.. so fucking tulan .. cause cant play liao.. den we when to 210 to slack .. around 6 plus jiu reach home liao.. zz.. sians .. so come and update lo.. zzz.. boring .. zzz.. hey to EVERYONE .. view le mus at least give me some comment mahs.. anyway my blog seem so rot and like so boring wors.. hais.. anyone can help me design one mahs? :) i will be thankful .. cause having a blog is like much better to talk to someone unknown .. den to have nobody to talk to .. hahas.. :) like stupid siall ..

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Jus reaches home .. days and days passes .. soon i will finish my ns life .. and things is going to be like wat i think ? i am sure it wont cause my life is always not easy to goes by.. is nv easy and it will nv be easy .. maybe my mood lvl for today is a 50% bahs.. hais.. frankly specking if u are seeing my blog which u know who u are . didnt u miss those old days.. ? hais.. if u are den why should this go on ? maybe is like wat we talk about bahs.. choose and live life with it . and dun look back bahs? :( dun really know wat u think and also not everyone really knows too.. cause u has ur own thinking . ur own doing in everything bahs.. this misunderstanding wont end bahs.. cause is a no turn back point liao bahs.. i also dun know wat can i say .. to u .. i am making ur life hard so be it .. i wont disturb ur life neither will i do anything cause giving in to u is like making u feel tat i am making ur life hards.. no matter how many things i have done be4 is like u say is jus like nothing to you .. hais.. thanks for those hurting words of urs.. hope u can have a better life ahead bahs.. :) anyway dun really know wat can i say anymore .. nvm bahs.. i shouldnt hab say anything also.. cause like u say i am in a no position to say u bahs.. anyway all the best to u .. jus rmb all those things i told u .. actually some or maybe a little bits is e fact bahs.. i may be wrong but is really for ur own good and i really meant no harm .. sorry for e hurting words i use be4 on u .. sorry .. take care .. i know u would even if it is without me .. so i think i stop here le.. been trying not to do anything for u le.. so sorry to disturb ur life after all.. :)

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Jus got back from camp . kinna stuck with so many stress .. hais.. days after days.. everything seem to be like in a mess . hais.. i really dun know how to take the next step and is kinna sad . hais.. ppl says is because i doesnt had a positive mind but i really wanna do it . but really doesnt hab anymore faith to carry on le.. dun really know wat to says le.. anyway .. will update when i feel like saying somethings.

相爱不需要理由

hais.. another day passes . everything seem like is e same to me .. hais.. every single day i have telling myself . should i rate my mood every single day? ehhs.. for ytd i give myself a 30% bahs.. but todays is like .. i think is only abit higher cause i slept e whole day . 7am to 4pm . forcing myself to sleep or rather wishing not to wake up . hais.. :( every single day passes nothing is going right for me .. i am not myself anymore . feeling more and more down every single day.. things for was like getting more and more slow . specially e time .. wat i am doing now ? i dunnoe . life is so unexpected . hais.. comes so hard with so much feeling and efforts.. and jus one day . she can choose to leave.. hais.. this really hurts .. ya maybe she felt e same too.. but why? how come? acting strong in front of e both of us ? will it makes us feel better or ? everything is like a question mark. ? wat is e real meaning of a question marks? a marks tat marks e end of everything which is hard to explain ? or something to in place for a question back to others? what does life really means? nobody actually know e answer . time and again . i had been breaking down . through e nights and days. for me is like no diff . cause i lost all e faith and trust to walk on . actually when someone is really in need . e one which u always hope to have by ur side mostly will choose to be busy or rather missing ? anyone ? this is wat heaven has always made for ppl like us bahs.. everyone life is like unknown for me .. cause future ? watever will happpen nobody will knows.. maybe e next min u will be gone from this world or maybe e next seconds. who's know? so treasure wat ever u have dun let it go or not one fine day when e things or person is gone u will surely confirmly be regret . cause e real happiness is not a giving or something tat can be forgotten about. in love doesnt need a reason . leaving there is also wont be any reason to get e things back . this words are getting true and true. days after days. ppl rather get something tat will not last den getting something tat really last . jus because ppl think tat e person doesnt hab a future? or ? another question mark again. does money really make someone so diff ? being selfish is not a fault . being silly is a big fault.. times flies . 5 years passes so fast . so fast till i didnt know it has gone . till now . i felt it was so slow actually. the feeling i had during e past one year plus where she is gone . gone and when missing because of ? till recently she is back again.. but den this time is a restart of everything and e ending of everything? hais.. i really cant put down .. ppl thanks for all e support and time u all spent to give me advice and pei me talk . thanks . afterall i can only tell u i am really very sorry . i jus cant let go . i may positive when u see me but afterall things was so messy inside.. so messy till i dun really know wat actually i am doing . cause e feeling of destroying my life is coming nearer and nearer . i lost all my hope my future , or should i say my everything . being drunk everyday was like part of my life . cause maybe when i am not awake maybe e brain will be blank . i know this is being stupid or silly . but wat can i really do . does anyone really go through wat i am going through all this years.. waiting and being hurt once and twice and third and more and more .. waiting was so painful but i have been going through it for almost 5 years. afterall i make it . maybe i will be e only record holder in ur life but maybe there also isnt any hope or things we are going about tat why this is going to let u or should i say e both of us choose to be strong but isnt and let it jus ended in a hurtful method . hope i could get e smile tat i had before during 051008. e day i will nv forget in my whole life where i see e smile in u . a very truthful one tat i really see in ur eyes tat u really was touched . and i did it . but hais.. things is jus e heaven trying to give us a moment of happiness after e dead . that wat ppl say be4 u die u will be very clear with ur mind and talks everything out before u will go . maybe tat it is bahs.. so ppl spent ur happy times and always treasure every min of that . wahs.. todays was only e second and is quite long le.. take care everyone. today mood maybe i can give myself a 40% bahs. hope maybe one day i will get a jus pass or above bahs.. :(

相爱不需要理由

SIANSATIONS !

Started this blog cause dun really know wat to say or find who to talk about .. sians .. life is so sians.. hais.. nv been better has been using this to answer ppl how am i . hais.. wat can i say . how to i need to answer . i really dun know .. my life? for myself also a big question mark lo. things is always so easily change de . every min it will change a person or a things so suddenly tat u can jus forget anything in ur life de.. so wat is life actually? actually nobody in this world will know how is their life will be like in e future . recently . been waiting for a person . a person tat really changed my life so many times .. in terms of attitude to e simple things like daily stuff . but after i am back from taiwan. everyone including e person changed . everyone i trusted so much become so far from me . things i think for was becoming so untrue. hais.. times and again. i ask myself wat do i really wan my life to be like? but till now is like a question marks.. nobody really does understand how hard this feeling are to me . is like i really also dun know how to explain how e feeling is like . afterall , i am still in this life again . can i say maybe i am use to it? or maybe things has gone and i wont have e chance to treasure it again ? was it my fault ? i and really breaking down every single day passes.. i lost everthing. i lost my future , my life , my heart, my feeling towards everyone . specially e trust and hope i try to give ppl.. hais.. ppl out there anyone ? worse den me ? being hurt for almost 5 years. but how can i say put down jiu put know ? how can she too? hais.. i know i am silly . but this is call love isnt it? or should i say giving and not asking for returning? was it truth or was it fake? everything was like a show . a hurting show i am going through alone . nobody seem to know wat i am going through . been hiding and rotting at home .. and even if i were to go out . my mood drop more.. go out had to act tat i am strong or rather happy . but i am not ok . i jus wan a simple life. i jus wanna settle down . i dun wan to waste my time on doing things tat are not for my future . but things is always getting out of hand which i dun wan it and it will happen jus like wat i dun wan go and think about it to happen . was it heaven trying to play with me or is it ? ..... i really dont know . every single day . i felt so hurt and sad . times again . i say i am okay but i am not . i wan to trust ppl too. but ppl will always think tat i am jus kidding with them or rather i am jus a lowdown or somethings? hais.. i really dont know .. totally lost . totally no hope to carry on anymore . been soon 5 years le.. times flies . but e feeling u hab ended it . how could u ? :(